Today marks 7 months since my mother has passed away. There's some days that are OK and others that bring physical pain to my chest because I miss her so much; right now is one of those moments. At times, it feels like years have gone by since she's been gone; February 9th seems so long ago. Yet still frequent in my mind are the constant realizations she's not here anymore. I figured my mind would have adjusted by now. That the urge to call her and to see her would maybe fade away or at least not have so many mistakes where I think she's still here.
I feel like everyone has moved on but me and I have to be alright for those who are around me moreso then for myself. I don't expect people to baby me and I don't want that either, but I feel like everyone has forgotten what happened. I almost feel like people think I shouldn't get so sad where I just want to be alone, or that I'm not supposed to break down in tears when her favorite movie is on TV anymore. I know there isn't a timeline for grieving and there's no way to pinpoint when things will be "normal" again. I just wish that people knew that 7 months down the road, I still need to hear a "how are you" or "if you need anything let me know" and when they ask they have the fact that I only lost my mother 7 months ago and that it's still incredibly hard on me.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Designing up a storm....for boobs.
If you read this when I wrote the "rave" review about a certain t-shirt company, please disregard it.
A team in San Diego asked me to design a logo for their team:
Also, a group of mom's back in Farmington Hills that my mom used to do a cookie/ornament exchange with during the holidays is putting on an event to promote Breast Cancer awareness. It's a "Breast Western" and they are doing in honor of my mother. I was asked to make the invitation for it and here's the original design.
They want to raise the most money they can and having my mom's name first (might draw away people who didn't know her), so we ended up with this final design for the front:
A team in San Diego asked me to design a logo for their team:
Also, a group of mom's back in Farmington Hills that my mom used to do a cookie/ornament exchange with during the holidays is putting on an event to promote Breast Cancer awareness. It's a "Breast Western" and they are doing in honor of my mother. I was asked to make the invitation for it and here's the original design.
They want to raise the most money they can and having my mom's name first (might draw away people who didn't know her), so we ended up with this final design for the front:
Monday, July 18, 2011
I hate this walk....
This was posted on the 3 Day message boards by a guy named Larry. I believe he's fairly well known in the 3 Day community. He made the Underground Guide to the Breast Cancer Walks
http://60milemen.typepad.com/main/Underground_Guide_2010.pdf
I found this funny and sad at the same time:
"I hate this Walk. I’ve participated dozens of times, over ten years, in seven different cities, but I still hate this Walk.
I hate training. I hate waking up early to walk, and walk, and walk some more. I’d rather sleep late, and spend my free time reading, napping, or just being with family or friends. I hate training.
I hate fundraising. I hate asking people to donate their hard-earned dollars to fight this damn disease that affects us all, while folks on Wall Street make $50 million a year to destroy our economy as they pad their already overflowing bank accounts. It’d be nice if those $50 million paychecks went to find a cure, and the Wall Street folks had to run a freakin’ bake sale to support themselves. I hate fundraising.
I hate pink. Pink is for “My Little Pony”, Barbie cars and 4 year old girls. I don’t care what women say, no man looks good in pink. Just once, I want to be part of a Walk whose official color is “flannel.” I hate pink.
I hate rain. Camping in the rain sucks. Walking in the rain sucks more. And don’t get me started on mud. I hate mud, and I hate rain.
I hate tents. I hate sleeping all curled up, so my feet aren’t hanging out the door. Getting dressed in a tent? Really? Can’t they make a tent that an average sized guy can fit into, without having to crawl in and out? And for God’s sake, can they please make soundproof tents, so I don’t have to listen to snoring all night? Ladies, I don’t care what you tell your husbands, but you snore too! I hate tents.
I hate sports drink. I hate Gatorade. I hate Powerade. I hate every damn “ade.” There is a special place in hell for whoever decided to put salt in fruit punch. If I wanted a salty drink, I’d order a margarita. Just once, could “beer” be the official sports drink of a Walk? I’d even settle for those tropical drinks with the goofy paper umbrellas in them. I hate sports drink.
But there is one thing I hate most of all. I hate Breast Cancer. I hate hearing that my mother-in-law’s latest pathology report shows that her cancer is back again. I hate the look in my wife’s eyes when she has a mammogram, and then has to wait for a follow-up because “we saw something we didn’t like.” I hate that my daughters had to learn about breast self-exams when they were still in their teens. I hate going to funerals, and listening to sermons about how “she is in a better place.” Screw that. You think that’s any comfort?
I hate that a young woman was diagnosed at the age of 21, and told by her doctor, “I want to be wrong, but I would be surprised if you lived to see 30.” I hate that a friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer just a few years after her father fought his own battle with breast cancer. I hate that Mother’s Day is a day when some people go to the cemetery to visit their mothers, or even worse, to visit their daughters. No one, no one, should ever have to go to a cemetery to visit their child.
I hate this Walk. But I hate breast cancer even more. Fuck breast cancer. Sorry if the profanity offends you, but I can’t think of any other word that fully expresses how I feel. So fuck breast cancer. Can we please just find a cure already?
But until we find that cure, maybe we can compromise on pink flannel and light beer?"
-larry
2011 DC & Philly Lunch Crew
2011 San Diego Walker
http://60milemen.typepad.com/main/Underground_Guide_2010.pdf
I found this funny and sad at the same time:
"I hate this Walk. I’ve participated dozens of times, over ten years, in seven different cities, but I still hate this Walk.
I hate training. I hate waking up early to walk, and walk, and walk some more. I’d rather sleep late, and spend my free time reading, napping, or just being with family or friends. I hate training.
I hate fundraising. I hate asking people to donate their hard-earned dollars to fight this damn disease that affects us all, while folks on Wall Street make $50 million a year to destroy our economy as they pad their already overflowing bank accounts. It’d be nice if those $50 million paychecks went to find a cure, and the Wall Street folks had to run a freakin’ bake sale to support themselves. I hate fundraising.
I hate pink. Pink is for “My Little Pony”, Barbie cars and 4 year old girls. I don’t care what women say, no man looks good in pink. Just once, I want to be part of a Walk whose official color is “flannel.” I hate pink.
I hate rain. Camping in the rain sucks. Walking in the rain sucks more. And don’t get me started on mud. I hate mud, and I hate rain.
I hate tents. I hate sleeping all curled up, so my feet aren’t hanging out the door. Getting dressed in a tent? Really? Can’t they make a tent that an average sized guy can fit into, without having to crawl in and out? And for God’s sake, can they please make soundproof tents, so I don’t have to listen to snoring all night? Ladies, I don’t care what you tell your husbands, but you snore too! I hate tents.
I hate sports drink. I hate Gatorade. I hate Powerade. I hate every damn “ade.” There is a special place in hell for whoever decided to put salt in fruit punch. If I wanted a salty drink, I’d order a margarita. Just once, could “beer” be the official sports drink of a Walk? I’d even settle for those tropical drinks with the goofy paper umbrellas in them. I hate sports drink.
But there is one thing I hate most of all. I hate Breast Cancer. I hate hearing that my mother-in-law’s latest pathology report shows that her cancer is back again. I hate the look in my wife’s eyes when she has a mammogram, and then has to wait for a follow-up because “we saw something we didn’t like.” I hate that my daughters had to learn about breast self-exams when they were still in their teens. I hate going to funerals, and listening to sermons about how “she is in a better place.” Screw that. You think that’s any comfort?
I hate that a young woman was diagnosed at the age of 21, and told by her doctor, “I want to be wrong, but I would be surprised if you lived to see 30.” I hate that a friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer just a few years after her father fought his own battle with breast cancer. I hate that Mother’s Day is a day when some people go to the cemetery to visit their mothers, or even worse, to visit their daughters. No one, no one, should ever have to go to a cemetery to visit their child.
I hate this Walk. But I hate breast cancer even more. Fuck breast cancer. Sorry if the profanity offends you, but I can’t think of any other word that fully expresses how I feel. So fuck breast cancer. Can we please just find a cure already?
But until we find that cure, maybe we can compromise on pink flannel and light beer?"
-larry
2011 DC & Philly Lunch Crew
2011 San Diego Walker
Saturday, July 9, 2011
I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling errors. I'm writing this blog after practically no sleep and at 6:51am. For those of you that know me well, I'm not much of a morning person. OK, I'm NOT A MORNING PERSON. In fact, I despise mornings, but this morning I can't sleep. I went to bed at 1:07am last night and I feel like I haven't gotten an ounce of sleep.
i haven't updated in awhile. I've meant to do it, but then got side tracked. Two weeks ago from today we finally buried my mom in Interlochen, MI. I thought I would maybe feel some closure since she actually passed away in February, but I'm not sure if I feel much different about the situation. It did feel like ripping a band-aid off a wound though. The first two weeks leading up to the burial were really hard. I think my brother put it the best when he wrote as his Facebook status:
"Lowered my mom into her final resting spot with my own two hands and then had everyone throw some dirt on with their hands. A terrible but amazing and beautiful moment."
Otherwise, it's hard to find words to write about it, so I'll just put some pictures instead.
Tomorrow Sarah and I are doing a 14 mile training walk. I'm a little nervous about it, but I think we should be alright. I need to step up my training a little more. I can't believe there's only 28 more days! I'm more worried about me not being mentally prepared for the 3 Day moreso than physically. I never know what is going to set me off regarding my mom, but when it comes to breast cancer everything triggers it. For example, this Youtube video. The one part that particularly got me was about the breast cancer survivor (and team) visiting the Remembrance Tent (a place to remember those who passed away, but in particular those who walked and passed due to breast cancer). The survivor wrote on the white remembrance tent that she hopes that her team, "never has to walk in memory of her."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi4HVW35t6Y&feature=channel_video_title
i haven't updated in awhile. I've meant to do it, but then got side tracked. Two weeks ago from today we finally buried my mom in Interlochen, MI. I thought I would maybe feel some closure since she actually passed away in February, but I'm not sure if I feel much different about the situation. It did feel like ripping a band-aid off a wound though. The first two weeks leading up to the burial were really hard. I think my brother put it the best when he wrote as his Facebook status:
"Lowered my mom into her final resting spot with my own two hands and then had everyone throw some dirt on with their hands. A terrible but amazing and beautiful moment."
Otherwise, it's hard to find words to write about it, so I'll just put some pictures instead.
Tomorrow Sarah and I are doing a 14 mile training walk. I'm a little nervous about it, but I think we should be alright. I need to step up my training a little more. I can't believe there's only 28 more days! I'm more worried about me not being mentally prepared for the 3 Day moreso than physically. I never know what is going to set me off regarding my mom, but when it comes to breast cancer everything triggers it. For example, this Youtube video. The one part that particularly got me was about the breast cancer survivor (and team) visiting the Remembrance Tent (a place to remember those who passed away, but in particular those who walked and passed due to breast cancer). The survivor wrote on the white remembrance tent that she hopes that her team, "never has to walk in memory of her."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi4HVW35t6Y&feature=channel_video_title
Friday, June 17, 2011
Happy Father's Day!
I just remembered Father's Day is this Sunday and with the news I received yesterday it's perfect timing. I had inquired about being a part of the 3 Day opening/closing ceremonies since my mom had done it, and I was asked to submit my story. This is what I wrote:
In 2008, my family and friends set out on an amazing journey I will never forget. Under the team name, "Hearts For Gretchen," 7 of us joined the thousands of others clad in pink to do the Susan G. Komen 3-Day walk in Michigan. The team name, “Hearts for Gretchen,” is in honor of my aunt Gretchen (my namesake and godmother) who passed away in 2007 due to breast cancer. Her along with my mother, were 2 of 4 sisters diagnosed with this horrible disease.
Three years later, it is long over due for another walk, but this time I'll be walking in Chicago with my cousin and under the team name, "Hearts for Gretchen & Suzie." When I originally signed up for the 3-Day Walk, I was under the impression that my mom would be making the journey with me again; offering everyone electrolyte jellybellies (yes, they make these!) or helping me stretch out my legs at mile 9 of the second day, or just giving encouraging words of support. I never imagined I would have to do this without her and I think that is going to hurt more then the sore muscles, blisters, and 60 miles I have to endure.
I lost my mother to breast cancer just this year on February 9, 2011. My mother was my best friend despite the miles that were between us. We talked almost every day and she was one of those moms I could call up just to say hi. Her attitude and view on life was astounding, especially with how she dealt with cancer. She was a nurse (RN) and besides calling on science and medicine, she drew from her own personal experiences with cancer to help her patients.
I signed up on January 6th of this year and after my mom passed away, I thought about quitting, about giving it another year or two, but along with the sadness that comes with my mother’s passing is the incredible strength and drive to do something, to continue fighting as she would have done. Walking 60 miles to raise awareness and one day end a disease that has now taken two family members that have meant the World to me seems the least I can do.
The 3 Day events and participation has become almost therapeutic to me in dealing with my mother’s death. I really can't explain how or why, but I know if I'm really missing her and I start working on fundraising or training or helping another team out, I still miss her, but the pain doesn't seem as bad. I’ve been trying to get involved in every aspect that I can to promote awareness and advocate fighting breast cancer and finding a cure. I’ve volunteered my time as a graphic designer and designed 3 different shirts for a team in Seattle as well as a logo for another team. I just became a 3 Day for the Cure Ambassador and have been blogging my experiences and thoughts online and hope to help promote the event even more. Right now, everything seems small to me and I want to continue to do more, but I know she would be proud of me no matter what. My aunt and mother were both warriors against cancer and I will never stop fighting for them.
A lady named Gina called me and said she had filled most of the spots. The "my mother" and "my aunt" flag were already taken and she usually likes to pair the flag with a walker who has a story that relates to the flag. She said it didn't necessarily matter though. She had asked if I minded being away from my team during opening/closing ceremonies. I replied it was just my cousin and I on the team, but my boyfriend and others would be there and my dad was flying in from California for the event. Gina said, "well, the my father flag isn't taken. Maybe you could carry that? I know your dad doesn't have breast cancer..." And I realized it would be the perfect flag to carry.
I think we often forget the ones who stand besides those with the disease. I don't want to discredit what my mom or anyone else went through or is going through, but I know it takes a special person to help them with that fight. Jack stood by my mom through the good and the bad. He went to the awareness walks with her to cheer her on. He volunteered at them and even walked with us. She didn't have to go to chemo treatments alone or even doctor visits cause he was there to drive her back and forth in case the chemo made her sick. I also consider carrying the flag in support of my dad, to let him know that during this difficult time that our family has faced we'll help each other get through it. I like the fact Gina was open to a different perspective on the flag and I'm looking forward to standing on stage at the end of 60 miles with it.
The lady (Gina) at Susan G Komen emailed me Friday and said a woman had contacted her about carrying the "my father" flag because her dad was a breast cancer survivor. Gina recommended that I carry it for the closing ceremonies and the other lady could carry it for the opening. I told her it was alright if the other lady wanted to carry it for both, I would understand, but Gina insisted that I carry it for the closing.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Guess what?
Last night I received an email telling me that I had made the $2,300.00 minimum fundraising goal! Special thanks to Vicki Pitluk and my Uncle Lee and Aunt Ellen for pushing me over that goal. I'm still trying for my personal goal of $5,000.00 and there's still time to donate! Only 51 days until the walk!
I saw this a few days ago and forgot to post it. Looks like Superior is getting ready for the 3 Day! It's funny how something so simple made me smile:
This weekend, Sarah and I went shoe shopping for the walk. We started off the day with a healthy breakfast:
They kinda tasted really buttery.
We drove out to Naperville, since the New Balance store there was having 20% off and a nutrition and hydration clinic--which we kinda missed most of. The New Balance employee walked us through the different types of shoes and measured us to make sure we got the proper fit.
We also learned how to tie a runner's knot. It definitely helps the shoe fit tighter around the ankles and top. Not sure if it's something I'll always do, but definitely a neat new technique.
Sarah settled on a pair of grey shoes (the ones above) and I picked the same style but a different color:
We walked in our new shoes on Sunday and did a little over 7 miles. We were planning on a longer walk but both of our feet were getting used to the new shoes. I think since I'm a heavy walker, I need to get inserts for my shoes as well. I actually had to break out the moleskin to prevent blisters for two parts of my feet. We've done 7 mile walks before and I hadn't really had any problems in my old shoes, so I'm not sure what was up. I also need to get some glide stuff. People were recommending that like crazy on the 3 Day FB page, so it might be a good investment. We did very well training last week and consistently walking. We still need to be doing a bit more, but we'll try next week for that. This week a lot is going on and Sarah is out of town this weekend, so we're training on our own until next week.
I also finished the team logo I spoke about in a previous blog post. The team name is "The Wizards of Bras." They didn't really know what they wanted, so I came up with this:
I had a lot of fun making this one and I'm really glad they enjoyed the design. I think I'll make a post and see if anyone else needs stuff done. It's been nice to help out a few teams in this area.
I saw this a few days ago and forgot to post it. Looks like Superior is getting ready for the 3 Day! It's funny how something so simple made me smile:
This weekend, Sarah and I went shoe shopping for the walk. We started off the day with a healthy breakfast:
They kinda tasted really buttery.
We drove out to Naperville, since the New Balance store there was having 20% off and a nutrition and hydration clinic--which we kinda missed most of. The New Balance employee walked us through the different types of shoes and measured us to make sure we got the proper fit.
We also learned how to tie a runner's knot. It definitely helps the shoe fit tighter around the ankles and top. Not sure if it's something I'll always do, but definitely a neat new technique.
Sarah settled on a pair of grey shoes (the ones above) and I picked the same style but a different color:
We walked in our new shoes on Sunday and did a little over 7 miles. We were planning on a longer walk but both of our feet were getting used to the new shoes. I think since I'm a heavy walker, I need to get inserts for my shoes as well. I actually had to break out the moleskin to prevent blisters for two parts of my feet. We've done 7 mile walks before and I hadn't really had any problems in my old shoes, so I'm not sure what was up. I also need to get some glide stuff. People were recommending that like crazy on the 3 Day FB page, so it might be a good investment. We did very well training last week and consistently walking. We still need to be doing a bit more, but we'll try next week for that. This week a lot is going on and Sarah is out of town this weekend, so we're training on our own until next week.
I also finished the team logo I spoke about in a previous blog post. The team name is "The Wizards of Bras." They didn't really know what they wanted, so I came up with this:
I had a lot of fun making this one and I'm really glad they enjoyed the design. I think I'll make a post and see if anyone else needs stuff done. It's been nice to help out a few teams in this area.
Friday, June 10, 2011
I'm an Ambassador!
First off, I want to start off this blog post by saying Happy Birthday to my dad, Jack Pitluk!
Yesterday, I found out that I was chosen to be a Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure Ambassador. I posted this on my Facebook as well, but I realized a lot of people may not know what this means exactly. Basically, I help promote the 3 Day walk in Chicago. Whether it be chalk writings on the sidewalk or notifying TV stations or newspapers. When it gets closer to the event, I'll have the girls go around with me and write on the sidewalk around the campus. They also said they would be sending me stickers to stick up places to let people know that it is going on.
They have an application you fill out online. There was a deadline in February I had missed, but it said to check back in May for other opportunities. I stalked the website a few times and on May 1st the application process opened up and I filled it out. There was questions about social media (if I used it) and if I had a blog. They asked about experience being interviewed or being in front of the camera. I addressed how I had experience being in front of the camera/interviewing as well as directing talent in front of cameras and knowing how to coach them. So you'll notice my bright shiny 'badge' icon to the right of the website.
Tonight the girls donated their lemonade money to my walk fund. They raised $16.41! They were counting it in their beds and they told Cory if any was missing he should look there for it. Cory posted it on his Facebook and some of his friends said they would match their donation.
Yesterday, I found out that I was chosen to be a Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure Ambassador. I posted this on my Facebook as well, but I realized a lot of people may not know what this means exactly. Basically, I help promote the 3 Day walk in Chicago. Whether it be chalk writings on the sidewalk or notifying TV stations or newspapers. When it gets closer to the event, I'll have the girls go around with me and write on the sidewalk around the campus. They also said they would be sending me stickers to stick up places to let people know that it is going on.
They have an application you fill out online. There was a deadline in February I had missed, but it said to check back in May for other opportunities. I stalked the website a few times and on May 1st the application process opened up and I filled it out. There was questions about social media (if I used it) and if I had a blog. They asked about experience being interviewed or being in front of the camera. I addressed how I had experience being in front of the camera/interviewing as well as directing talent in front of cameras and knowing how to coach them. So you'll notice my bright shiny 'badge' icon to the right of the website.
Tonight the girls donated their lemonade money to my walk fund. They raised $16.41! They were counting it in their beds and they told Cory if any was missing he should look there for it. Cory posted it on his Facebook and some of his friends said they would match their donation.
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